If Dylan Were Here Beside Me: How Would You Want Me to Live Without You?

Some days, I sit in the stillness, allowing my heart to ask the questions that swirl within me. One question rises above all others, a question that feels too big for words yet too pressing to ignore:

"How would you want me to live without you?"

In my mind, I picture Dylan sitting beside me, his warm smile lighting up his face and his eyes filled with that mischievous spark he always had. I can almost hear his voice—steady, strong, and full of love—responding without hesitation.

“Mom, I’d want you to live boldly.”Dylan was never one to tiptoe through life. He faced challenges head-on, lived with passion, and embraced each moment, even when life was impossibly hard. I know he’d want me to do the same. He’d tell me to take chances, to pursue the dreams that set my soul on fire, and to not let fear keep me stuck.

Even now, I can hear him urging me to live—not just exist, but truly live. To explore new things, to find beauty in the world, and to allow myself to experience joy again. It’s hard, but I know Dylan wouldn’t want me to stay in the shadows of my grief. He’d want me to step into the light.

“Keep laughing, Mom.” Dylan loved to laugh. His laugh wasn’t just a sound; it was an experience that filled the room and made everyone around him feel alive. I know he’d remind me not to let laughter slip away. He’d tell me to find humor even in the darkest moments, to share stories that bring smiles, and to let myself enjoy those moments without guilt.

He’d probably even tease me, saying, “Mom, if you stop laughing, I’ll have to send more signs to remind you!” And I’d laugh because that’s exactly who Dylan was—someone who could bring light to any situation.

“Do the things that make your heart happy.” Dylan had a way of knowing what truly mattered. He’d want me to focus on the things that bring me joy and meaning. Whether it’s helping others navigate their grief, writing, spending time with family, or simply sitting outside and feeling the sun on my face, Dylan would want me to keep my heart open to life’s beauty.

He’d remind me that purpose doesn’t have to be grand. It’s in the small, everyday moments—sharing a meal, hugging someone you love, or watching a sunset. Dylan lived a life full of purpose, and I know he’d want the same for me.

“Stay close to Mason.” If there’s one thing Dylan cherished, it was his bond with Mason. He’d remind me that Mason needs me now more than ever, and that our relationship is a source of healing for us both. Dylan would want me to be there for Mason—to cheer him on at his games, to laugh at his jokes, and to remind him that Dylan’s love is always with us.

I know he’d smile hearing that Mason has taken over his number 27 in sports, carrying on his legacy. Dylan would want Mason to feel his pride and love in every step of his journey, and he’d want me to remind Mason that it’s okay to lean on me when life feels heavy.

“Let me guide you, Mom.” Dylan always had a way of showing up when I needed him most, and I know he still does. He’d want me to look for the signs—feathers, coins, butterflies, the number 27—and to feel his presence in those moments. He’d tell me not to dismiss them, but to embrace them as his way of saying, “I’m still here.”

And it’s true. Those signs remind me that love doesn’t end; it transforms. Dylan may not be here physically, but his spirit is woven into the fabric of my life. He’d want me to trust that he’s watching over me and guiding me in ways I may not always understand.

“Don’t ever forget how much I love you.” This is what Dylan would leave me with. His love was—and still is—the most powerful force in my life. Even in his absence, it fills every corner of my heart. He’d want me to carry that love forward, to let it be a source of strength when I feel weak, and to let it inspire me to keep going.

As I imagine this conversation, I feel Dylan’s love surrounding me. I know he’d want me to live in a way that honors both him and myself. To live boldly, love deeply, laugh often, and find meaning in the moments I still have.

Dylan, I promise I’ll try my best to live the way you’d want me to. I’ll carry your spirit with me in everything I do. Your love is my compass, guiding me through the pain and reminding me of the beauty still left in this world.

I love you, now and always.