Christmas is a season of joy, togetherness, and traditions that warm our hearts, even in the chilliest of winters. Yet, for many of us, the holidays can also be a bittersweet reminder of loved ones who are no longer physically present. This year, Christmas felt profoundly different for me. It was the first Christmas completely without Dylan.
Last year, we had celebrated early with him, a month ahead of the usual festivities. Though it wasn’t the same as a traditional December 25th, having him there filled the season with light and laughter. This year, however, the absence was palpable. Dylan is my son, and no matter where he is, I wanted to ensure he remained a central part of our Christmas.
Writing a Letter to Dylan
As I prepared for the holiday, I searched for ways to include Dylan in our celebrations. Ultimately, I decided on something deeply personal: I wrote him a letter.
The letter became my way of sharing everything I wished I could say to him—memories of past holidays, updates on our lives, and expressions of love that transcended words. It wasn’t just a letter; it was a connection, a bridge between the present and the cherished moments we had shared.
I placed the letter under the tree, letting it be the first gift there, and later, the last one removed. It wasn’t about the letter itself but the symbolism of it. Dylan, though not physically with us, was still a part of our traditions, still woven into the fabric of our celebration.
A Different Kind of Holiday
Including Dylan in this way brought a mix of emotions. On one hand, it was comforting—a reminder that love doesn’t fade with distance or absence. On the other hand, it highlighted the bittersweet reality of the holiday without him.
It wasn’t an easy Christmas by any means. The empty space at the table, the quiet moments where his laughter once echoed, all of it made the ache of his absence more real. Yet, writing that letter and giving it a place of honor under the tree helped ease some of the heaviness. It was my way of saying: “You are still here. You are still part of us. You are still loved.”
Finding Solace in New Traditions
This small act of writing to Dylan has inspired me to start a new tradition. Each year, I want to honor him in a meaningful way, whether through a letter, a special ornament, or a moment of reflection during the holiday.
Christmas will never be the same without Dylan, but I’ve learned that I can still carry him with me. Grief and love can coexist, and by leaning into that truth, I’ve found a measure of solace.
A Message to Others
For anyone navigating a Christmas marked by loss, I hope my story offers some encouragement. It’s okay to feel the weight of their absence, to cry when the memories come rushing back. But it’s also okay to find ways to include them, to honor their place in your heart and your traditions.
This Christmas, Dylan’s letter was my way of saying, “You will always be part of our family, and you will always be a part of Christmas.”
No matter how different or difficult the season feels, love endures—and that, in itself, is something worth celebrating.
Comments