8 Ways to Have Pain and Happiness Coexist in Life: How to Cope with the Pain of Loss
- Amanda Gervais
- Sep 26, 2024
- 4 min read
Grief and joy may seem like complete opposites, yet they can coexist within us. When experiencing the loss of someone dear, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pain, making happiness feel distant or even unattainable. However, finding moments of happiness amidst grief is not only possible; it’s essential for healing. Here’s how to navigate through this journey, honoring the pain while allowing happiness to make its way back into your life.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a deeply personal process. Pain is not something to be avoided; it’s a sign of the love and connection you had with the person. It’s okay to feel sorrow, anger, confusion, or any mix of emotions. Allowing yourself to sit with the pain instead of pushing it away can help you process the grief more fully. Remember, there is no "right way" to grieve. Your journey is unique, just like your relationship with the person you lost.
2. Create Space for Joy in Small Moments
When you’re grieving, it may feel strange or even wrong to experience moments of joy. But finding joy in simple things – a warm cup of tea, a sunny day, a comforting memory – is a step toward allowing happiness back into your life. Recognizing and appreciating these small moments does not diminish your pain; rather, it helps balance the heaviness of grief. In fact, those joyful memories may serve as a beautiful reminder of your loved one and the happiness they brought into your life.
3. Honor Your Loved One's Memory
Often, grief can feel like a deep hole left by the loss of your loved one. However, you can fill that space by celebrating their memory. Find ways to honor them, whether by writing, creating, or carrying on a tradition they enjoyed. For me, writing about my son, Dylan, has been an outlet for processing my grief. By sharing stories, I keep his legacy alive, which brings both tears and smiles. This process makes room for both pain and happiness, allowing them to coexist.
4. Accept that Life Will Always Be Different
Grief changes us; it changes our perception of life. Acknowledging that things won’t go back to how they were is a painful yet necessary part of healing. But with this acceptance comes a new understanding of life’s fleeting beauty. While you might carry the pain of loss forever, you can also carry the love and joy your loved one brought into your life. Embrace this duality as part of your ongoing journey.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself as you navigate through grief. Understand that it’s okay to laugh one moment and cry the next. You might feel guilt when happiness peeks through, as if you’re betraying your loved one by allowing joy back into your life. It’s important to remind yourself that it’s okay to feel happiness. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them or the pain has lessened. It means you’re human, learning to coexist with the different shades of emotions life brings.
6. Find Support and Connection
Connecting with others who have experienced loss can be comforting. You are not alone in your grief, and sharing your story with others can create a sense of community and understanding. Surround yourself with people who allow you to feel both your sorrow and joy without judgment. Through this shared experience, you may find a way to allow happiness to walk alongside your grief.
7. Live in a Way That Honors Their Legacy
Your loved one wouldn’t want you to live in perpetual pain. By living in a way that honors their memory – through acts of kindness, passion, and joy – you keep their spirit alive. Pursue your dreams, continue the traditions they loved, or simply carry on with a smile knowing they would have wanted you to find happiness again.
8. Create a Balance Between Grief and Happiness
Grieving isn’t a linear process. Some days, the pain will feel overwhelming, while other days, joy might slip in when you least expect it. It's about finding a balance and giving yourself permission to experience both. Over time, the moments of happiness will grow. They won’t erase the pain, but they will make life feel richer and more complete.
Embrace the Duality
Pain and happiness can coexist. They don’t cancel each other out; instead, they create a deeper, more nuanced understanding of life. By allowing room for both emotions, you honor the love and loss of your loved one while also opening your heart to the possibility of joy. Life after loss isn’t about forgetting; it’s about finding ways to live fully, despite the pain. It’s about letting joy and sadness coexist, and learning that it’s okay to smile through the tears.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. The pain may never fully go away, but alongside it, there can be room for happiness, light, and love. Embrace this duality, knowing that it’s part of what makes us beautifully human.
f you’re navigating the pain of loss and seeking moments of light and hope, I have a special gift for you. Download my free eBook, “365 Days of Affirmations” to support your journey. These daily affirmations are crafted to help you find strength, peace, and moments of happiness amid your grief. Embrace this year-long guide to self-compassion and healing.
Beautifully said! Thank you!